Chaos and Cupcakes

Why is it that I clean everything up and within 15 minutes it looks like Geoffrey the Giraffe threw up everywhere?

You know what I said yesterday about wanting more kids?  Strike that.  I changed my mind.  In fact, if anyone is in the market for some cute, precocious kids, check out my Ebay auctions!  Kidding, kidding.  But I am definitely not cut out for single parenting 6 kids 6 and under.  I am tired and grouchy.  And somehow between shuttling kids around, chasing kids around, and having a baby attached to my breast 24/7 because I need to fatten him up, I have to get the house ready for hosting 2 parties this weekend.  I am not using a cleaning lady anymore because after not being satisfied with 5 different people, I have come to the realization that I am too fastidious and that if I want it done to my specifications, I’m going to have to do it myself.  It makes no sense for me to pay someone to clean if I am only going to go back and clean it again when she leaves.  Ahh, the baby just puked all his milk up all over me.  How is he ever going to gain weight if he pukes, poops, and pees all my hard work out?!   Okay, I think I need to go eat some cookie dough now.  Cookie dough will make it all better.

 Jared, if you are reading this, I have become so spoiled having you work from home.  It stinks having to take all the kids with me to do carpool.  It stinks (literally) having to change all the diapers and take out the trash.  And I don’t know how to play Go with Taylor when he asks me.  And Sawyer keeps asking me ”Where Dada go?  Don’t know.” You are never, ever allowed to travel again.  That means no California trip in March.  We need you at home too much!

This little guy is so stinkin’ gorgeous and perfect and smells so sweet that every time I look at him, hold him, or breathe him in, all I can think is… please tubal fail, pretty please fail!!  I just need 2 more of these.  That’s not too much to ask, is it?  That’s still less kids than my mom had.  Stupid, dumb, incompetent uterus.  Anyone want to let me borrow theirs?

Last night…

Me:  Good night, Taylor.  I  love you.

Taylor:  Good night, Mom.  I love you more than pizza!

I am a single parent for the next 130 hours.  Blech.

Andrew asked last night, “When is the Second Coming?  Because I want to tell Jesus what level of Starcraft I am on!”